Asexual and gay
In this personal essay, Michael Paramo reflects on his exposure as a homoromantic asexual in southern California and examines how this persona has played an integral role in shaping his life.
To identify as a homoromantic asexual means that one must navigate within every space in a very distinct conduct. There is no “communal space” that exists exclusively for the homoromantic asexual. We are disseminated throughout the internet, dotted on matchmaking app sites, isolated on discussion forums, scattered on social media platforms – disoriented in the billions. We exist as an unknown several belonging to an already largely unknown sexual orientation. Often being excluded from “gay” spaces because of my asexuality along with “straight” spaces because of homoromantic attractions to other men, I regularly felt imperceptible – never whole – with an aspect of myself essentially vanishing upon entering a territory dictated by another majority’s regulation.
The legal title “homoromantic asexual” itself remains largely foreign today, as there is no access to this individuality within mainstream avenues of knowledge. I recall searching, almost indignantly, throughout the internet looking for any trace of who I was in other
This post was written for the Carnival of Aces this month, which is about “Living Asexuality“. Upon seeing the discussions about growing old single, I desire to share my very alternative experience, about being able to blend in.
Recently, there was a very short documentary entitled “I’m Graysexual” (NSFW), featuring a bloke about my age, and using the same identity as I do: gay and greysexual. He does nothing more than briefly explain his personal experience, which is somewhat different from my own, and as I said, it’s very short.
What was particularly significant to me was not what was said, but what was unsaid. Specifically, the documentarian chose a stream of clips that imply close interaction with urban gay culture. He walks around what appears to be West Hollywood (the gay neighborhood in Los Angeles). He hangs out at gay nightclubs, watching go-go boys. He looks quizzically at packaged dildos, racks of porn videos, Grindr. This is all incredibly familiar to me.
I often feel like I’m the only ace who interacts with that kind of same-sex attracted male culture. This is not surprising: this is only one of many gay cultures, the ace communi
Why aromantic and asexual people belong in LGBTQIA+ society
Jennifer Pollitt is an assistant professor and assistant director of the Gender, Sexuality and Women’s Studies Program. In addition to teaching, she lectures and facilitates workshops for both academic and professional audiences, including co-founding Empathy A Work, LLC, and organizing the Men & #MeToo Conference in Philadelphia. She has developed comprehensive sexuality curricula used by the American Medical Association and other universities. She also belongs to the nation’s oldest and largest legal advocacy group that fights for the civil rights of LGBTQIA+ individuals and those who live with HIV. As a member of the LGBTQIA+ group, she is a robust ally of asexuals and aromantics and we asked her to share her knowledge of these lesser-known identities that fall under the queer umbrella.
We spoke with Pollitt about what asexuals and aromantics can teach others about connection, why they belong in the LGBTQIA+ community, and why they are so often left behind in LGBTQIA+ discourse.
Temple Now: Two of the more recently recognized identities within the LGBTQIA+ acronym are asexual and aromantic. Can you des In the simplest of terms someone who is asexual is someone who does not experience sexual attraction. This means that they don’t trial that feeling of looking at a person and thinking ‘I’d like to acquire sex with them.’ It’s important to message that a sudden loss in sexual drive if you’ve previously felt sexual attraction could be a reaction to medication, a transform in your mental health or something else. This can happen to anyone and if this does happen, you can chat to your doctor about what’s going on and figure things out. Some asexual people experience attraction, but don’t undergo that they need to act on that attraction sexually. This is established as romantic attraction, where they desire to get to know somebody and do romantic things. What those intimate things are depends on each person – it could include going on dates, holding hands or cuddling. Asexual people can also spot as gay, female homosexual, bisexual or vertical depending on who they feel attraction to. Other asexual people don’t experience any sexual or quixotic attraction to
What does asexuality/asexual mean?
Does that mean asexual people don’t want anyone else?